1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,300
Good evening! Biscuit?

2
00:00:03,335 --> 00:00:04,600
Sorry, they're mine!

3
00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:09,045
Previously in my life,

4
00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:11,485
my mother makes me
get a proper job...

5
00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:13,760
So we're assigning
Miranda to the Royal Navy.

6
00:00:13,795 --> 00:00:15,765
What?!

7
00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:18,160
The first trip is seven months.

8
00:00:18,195 --> 00:00:19,765
Couldn't it be longer?

9
00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:22,760
Miranda, are you sure you
want to be in the Navy?

10
00:00:22,795 --> 00:00:24,925


11
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:28,720

In the Navy!

12
00:00:28,755 --> 00:00:31,280
I bet you get that a lot.

13
00:00:31,315 --> 00:00:33,165
No.

14
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:36,205
Alarming propensity
to sing in interviews.

15
00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,120
Luckily, for that one,
I failed the exercise test.

16
00:00:39,155 --> 00:00:41,480
They asked me to run, I said, "No!"

17
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:47,525
Well, I think running is wrong
unless professionally or as a child.

18
00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:53,280
I think, as an adult, you should only run if you're
near a train station and look at your watch first.

19
00:00:53,315 --> 00:00:57,365
Yeah, I mean galloping
is more fun, isn't it?

20
00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:01,040
That's something I'd like to
see more of, make commuting fun.

21
00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:13,420
Yeah, I never really had
an obvious career path.

22
00:01:13,455 --> 00:01:16,480
That was clear from the
careers officer at uni.

23
00:01:16,515 --> 00:01:19,165
What do you think are
your main strengths?

24
00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:22,525
Oh, probably dressing
pets as famous detectives.

25
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:26,620
No, even you would have been
impressed by Poirot Pussy.

26
00:01:26,655 --> 00:01:30,680
Go away, please.
Let's not dwell, on with the show!

27
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:42,805
Morning. Morning!

28
00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:46,965
Oh, brilliant, new pirate stock!
Ha-ha!

29
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,480
Please don't.
Oh, Stevie, you know you love it.

30
00:01:49,515 --> 00:01:51,800
Why are pirates called pirates?

31
00:01:51,835 --> 00:01:53,320
Because they arrrrrr!

32
00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,765
What is wrong, my very small friend?

33
00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:04,800
Bank statements. You know, can you stop using the
business account for personal purchases, please?

34
00:02:04,835 --> 00:02:08,600
Look, you're still paying £60 a
month gym membership? You never go!

35
00:02:08,635 --> 00:02:12,160
I don't need to, I am in fine shape.

36
00:02:12,195 --> 00:02:15,400
A lunge and stretch...

37
00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:23,245
Oh, yes, I am a woman in her prime.

38
00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:26,920
Don't you think, madam? Out of
interest how old would you have me?

39
00:02:26,955 --> 00:02:30,000
They always come under, Stevie.

40
00:02:30,035 --> 00:02:33,320
43.

41
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:37,085
I know what's happened.
You're dyslexic.

42
00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:40,120
Because I'm 34, you've reversed
the numbers in your head.

43
00:02:40,155 --> 00:02:42,457
That's what's happened here.

44
00:02:42,492 --> 00:02:44,746
No, I thought you were 43.

45
00:02:44,781 --> 00:02:46,965
Right, get out, please!

46
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:51,600
But I need to buy... Bye-bye
is what you need to do. Bye-bye!

47
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:56,205
Maybe I should go to the gym. 20...

48
00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,900
You're loving the expenses issue,
aren't you?

49
00:02:58,935 --> 00:03:01,560
Well, you know, it's a
task, and I am the...

50
00:03:01,595 --> 00:03:03,445
BOTH: Task master.

51
00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:06,640
Oh, sorry, what's that you're
asking me, Miss Heather Small?

52
00:03:06,675 --> 00:03:07,925
Oh, is she there? Yes.

53
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:12,060

To make you feel proud?

54
00:03:12,095 --> 00:03:16,125
Well, Heather, I've done an
excellent expenditure...

55
00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:22,405
Oh, no, that's the wrong side, this is the
employee of the month board with me in all of them.

56
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:28,440
Oh, look at my little face! I've been doing an
excellent expenditure chart. Oh, yeah, that is good.

57
00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:30,200
Talk me through it.

58
00:03:30,235 --> 00:03:33,285
Really? No!

59
00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:36,085
Can you just try and cut back, yes?

60
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:38,740
Take things a little
bit more seriously.

61
00:03:38,775 --> 00:03:41,325
Of course, captain.
Ah-ha-ha-ha-harrrr!

62
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:45,120
Stay back or I'll throw you
to the sex-starved men below!

63
00:03:45,155 --> 00:03:46,685
Oh, sorry, Mum.

64
00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:51,200
Listen, Tilly, outside,
promotion, her mother gloating.

65
00:03:51,235 --> 00:03:52,965
You, fake job, big success.

66
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:56,880
Sorry, I think you dropped
some verbs on the way in.

67
00:03:56,915 --> 00:03:58,125
Verbs...

68
00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:01,565
On the way in, she just got
a...I said you got a...

69
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:04,640
to pretend you're the...your
father and me wish you were.

70
00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:09,685
I told Tilly you'd got a new job.

71
00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:13,120
But I've got a job! A proper job,
I said you work in television.

72
00:04:13,155 --> 00:04:16,005
What? Mum, are you ashamed of me?

73
00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:19,405
Oh, darling, of course I
am, ridiculous question.

74
00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:23,325
Well, Penny, I think you're
being a little bit harsh there.

75
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:27,045
Under careful management, this shop
could become a successful chain.

76
00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:33,920
You know, when people want...a pair of comedy
breasts, they'll think of your daughter.

77
00:04:33,955 --> 00:04:35,885
They already do.

78
00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:38,765
Look, who cares if
Tilly's got a promotion?

79
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:42,280
She's the idiot with everything
"fabbifun" and "marvellisimus".

80
00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:43,885
Oh! Gosh, she's coming.

81
00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:47,460
She's got such an annoying, what I
call, walk. It is a walk, isn't it?

82
00:04:47,495 --> 00:04:51,000
It's not what you call a walk,
that's such an annoying expression.

83
00:04:51,035 --> 00:04:52,885
We've got to convince her.

84
00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,685
Oh, hello, Tilly, what a
total and utter surprise.

85
00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:59,840
We were just talking about
Miranda's new job in television.

86
00:04:59,875 --> 00:05:03,285
Yeah! Mummy told me!

87
00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:06,080
Congratulasareeny, Queen Kong!

88
00:05:06,115 --> 00:05:08,045
Mwah! Mwah!

89
00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:10,920
It sounds spectaculant.

90
00:05:10,955 --> 00:05:13,725
Yes, yes, it's fabbifun.

91
00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:16,720
And what a surprise,
flabbergastamoomoo!

92
00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:22,480
No offence, I just didn't have
you down as a career bitch.

93
00:05:22,515 --> 00:05:25,257
More someone who
mucked around in a shop.

94
00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:27,965
Well, actually, as a
local business bitch,

95
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:33,085
she's been doing some research for a
documentary about the retail industry.

96
00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:39,640
Yeah. Would anyone in their right mind enjoy
making a living from selling...penis pasta?

97
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:45,760
Yes, I mean, who would enjoy
that on their own of an evening?

98
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:51,160
Wowzers... A documentary, who for?

99
00:05:51,195 --> 00:05:53,037
Yes.

100
00:05:53,072 --> 00:05:54,845
What?

101
00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:57,200
Who 4. It's a new channel.

102
00:05:57,235 --> 00:05:59,400
E4, More4, Who4.

103
00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:03,645
And which company
are you working for?

104
00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:08,680
It's a small production company down
here. Down here? What's it called?

105
00:06:08,715 --> 00:06:11,325
What's it called? What?

106
00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:15,085
What's It Called,
that's what it's called.

107
00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:18,800
What's It Called, which is
funny because when people ring up,

108
00:06:18,835 --> 00:06:20,565
we say, "Hello, What's It Called,"

109
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,445
and they say, "Don't you know?
It's your company."

110
00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:26,325
And then they say, "Who are
you making programmes for?"

111
00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:29,720
and we say "Who4," and they say
"Yes, that's what I'm asking you."

112
00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:34,320
And we all laugh so very much.

113
00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:42,280
Listen, listen, the reason I've
come is I'm having a - whisper it -

114
00:06:42,315 --> 00:06:46,280
miniscule celebratione of my
promotion tomorrow night, you come?

115
00:06:46,315 --> 00:06:48,697
Penny come! Sounds divine.

116
00:06:48,732 --> 00:06:51,045
And Kongeroo, defo come.

117
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:53,880
Great. You come. Yeah. Come.
Go. Come! Go. Come.

118
00:06:53,915 --> 00:06:56,800
Come, come, come, come, come, come,
come!

119
00:06:56,835 --> 00:06:59,520
Go, go, go...

120
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:03,325
Oh! Well done, darling.

121
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:07,920
Mum! I can't believe Tilly said
I couldn't get a proper career.

122
00:07:07,955 --> 00:07:09,645
I could be a Tilly!

123
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:12,925
Do you know? Actually, I think it
might be time for me to move on.

124
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:17,280
Yeah, I've always said once I got the shop
up and running and an excellent manager in...

125
00:07:17,315 --> 00:07:20,960
Good morning. Good morning to you.
Then I could consider something else.

126
00:07:20,995 --> 00:07:25,685
Oh, at last! Go, Miranda!

127
00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:30,360
Now first, like all good career
bitches, I am off to the gym.

128
00:07:30,395 --> 00:07:33,240
Yes, the gym. Oh, yes.

129
00:07:33,275 --> 00:07:34,760
Look at me go.

130
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:47,325
Excuse me, I don't think
these doors are working.

131
00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:51,080
If it's a press the knob and
release, it is not functioning.

132
00:07:51,115 --> 00:07:54,560
I'm really banging the knob now.

133
00:07:54,595 --> 00:07:56,080
Don't!

134
00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:59,720
BUZZER

135
00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:07,005
Are you OK?

136
00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:10,760
I'm fine, my workout starts
the minute I enter the building.

137
00:08:10,795 --> 00:08:12,880
I am permanently pumping.

138
00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:22,080
Do you want a hand?

139
00:08:22,115 --> 00:08:24,897
No, I've got it.

140
00:08:24,932 --> 00:08:27,680
There she goes!

141
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:30,845
OK!

142
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:32,080
That way?

143
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,120
Oh, yeah.

144
00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:51,880
Help! Stop, please!

145
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:56,360
Someone make it stop!

146
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:00,205
Help!

147
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,640
Thanks for that. Just the ones
I'm used to are a bit less...

148
00:09:03,675 --> 00:09:05,480
Yeah...

149
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:12,045
Aaaah!

150
00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:14,285
I mean, what do they do?

151
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:17,240
I mean, does anyone
really know what they do?

152
00:09:17,275 --> 00:09:20,160
Keep going, you'll be halfway
across the Channel.

153
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:24,120
Right, do you know,
I'm just going to get the ferry.

154
00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:32,685
Whee!

155
00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:34,440
That's what they're used for.

156
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:40,805
Hi, guys.

157
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:44,485
Blimey. Are you all right?

158
00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:50,000
Oh, my flat needs redecorating, and that's
just the shade of red I was looking for.

159
00:09:50,035 --> 00:09:55,120
What do you call that?
Heart-attack maroon?

160
00:09:55,155 --> 00:09:56,917
Cholesterol magenta?

161
00:09:56,952 --> 00:09:58,680
Full-fat fuchsia?

162
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:07,360
No, Clive, I'm not going
to high-five you, go away.

163
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:14,005
This is just a healthy
post-workout glow, yes, workout,

164
00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:18,565
so now I shall have a carrot and
orange smoothie and a low-fat bagel.

165
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:22,640
And what I mean by that is a hot
chocolate and an enormous slice of cake.

166
00:10:22,675 --> 00:10:25,720
I am going to look for another job.

167
00:10:25,755 --> 00:10:27,245
Why?

168
00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:31,080
Because Tilly and Mum say I couldn't.
I could get a proper job, right?

169
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:39,080
Guys? At least my school
was more supportive.

170
00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:45,805
Miranda, don't run in the corridor!
It's a gallop, Miss.

171
00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:51,360
I think all businessmen should do it, and one
day I hope to tell the nation via a TV show.

172
00:10:51,395 --> 00:10:54,880
Oh, Miranda, with that naive
optimism, you gallop, girl!

173
00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:02,040
Well, I'd help with the job search thing,
but I've got loads of kitchen prep to do.

174
00:11:02,075 --> 00:11:04,280
I've got a reunion tomorrow,
with my RAF pals.

175
00:11:04,315 --> 00:11:05,977
You were in the RAF?

176
00:11:06,012 --> 00:11:07,640
With the uniform?

177
00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:12,360
Just the cadets for a
bit when I left school.

178
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:17,840
Oh, Maverick, you stud, take me
to bed and lose me forever.

179
00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:24,840

fight-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay...

180
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:27,200
Pilot your jet into my flight path.

181
00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:31,685
Said it all out loud!

182
00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:35,600
Oh, there you are. Now saddle up, I've
got you an interview tomorrow morning.

183
00:11:35,635 --> 00:11:40,040
Manager of a sales team in a,
what I call, department store.

184
00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:42,137
It is a department store.

185
00:11:42,172 --> 00:11:44,026
Oh, Evergreeens, they're big!

186
00:11:44,061 --> 00:11:45,880
No, I could do that, couldn't I?

187
00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:51,520
Guys?
Do you want me to come with you?

188
00:11:51,555 --> 00:11:53,777
Not a good idea.

189
00:11:53,812 --> 00:11:55,965
Please take her! No.

190
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,080
She's got excellent sea legs.

191
00:11:58,115 --> 00:12:00,125
Show him your sea legs. No.

192
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:01,965
I really don't need to see her legs.

193
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:06,000
Come on, show them. Put your
sea legs on the Captain's table!

194
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:14,485
Speak later, dashing off
to Cakersize with Belinda.

195
00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:21,160
Cakersize? Cake decorations and aerobics, you have
to leave exactly the same weight as you came in.

196
00:12:21,195 --> 00:12:22,840
Such fun!

197
00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:30,760
Do you know, this really could be my thing,
couldn't it? Retail experience, people skills.

198
00:12:30,795 --> 00:12:33,337
Oh! Blimey, how can you
get so stiff so soon?

199
00:12:33,372 --> 00:12:35,845
I take it you won't be going
back to the gym?

200
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:39,560
Oh, no, I'm going back,
I am...very much going back.

201
00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:43,725
Come on, that's it.

202
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:46,325
I want to cancel my membership.

203
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:49,920
Do you want to transfer to another
branch? No, I just want to cancel.

204
00:12:49,955 --> 00:12:52,600
You're not moving and want to use a
different gym in our chain?

205
00:12:52,635 --> 00:12:57,080
That's the same question,
slightly different wording.

206
00:12:57,115 --> 00:12:59,645
You have to give three months'
notice to cancel

207
00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:04,000
and a month's notice to say you'll be giving
the final three months. Which is four months'!

208
00:13:04,035 --> 00:13:07,120
It's one month's notice to say you'll
be giving the final three months'.

209
00:13:07,155 --> 00:13:09,725
And that is four months' notice.

210
00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:14,520
You've only got five months left on your contract.
I want no months, nil months, nada monthes!

211
00:13:14,555 --> 00:13:16,965
You might as well stick with it.

212
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:21,920
I don't want to stick with it. I joined on a New
Year's Day whim with a number of size 16 and over

213
00:13:21,955 --> 00:13:27,520
women aged 34-54, most of whom are on their
own now at home with a pie and a bottle of wine,

214
00:13:27,555 --> 00:13:30,400
as your direct debit goes
out of their bank accounts.

215
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:36,645
OK? So on their behalf, I would
like to cancel my membership, yeah?

216
00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:43,165
Gyms are not for people like me, they're
for people like her, you stretchy freak!

217
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:48,560
Please, don't hassle our members, or I'll have
to ask you to leave for unsocial behaviour.

218
00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:51,960
Do you know, I don't know how you sleep
at night when all you do is hand out

219
00:13:51,995 --> 00:13:55,480
a towel once every three hours to
a piece of Lycra carrying a woman...

220
00:13:57,320 --> 00:14:00,165
..whilst the majority pay for
the upkeep, and we may not be

221
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:04,680
the majority in numbers, but
pound for pound there's more of us.

222
00:14:04,715 --> 00:14:06,560
Yeah, we could get you.

223
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:15,925
OK, maybe not, but we could have
a sit-on,

224
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:19,760
and I will personally
sit on you, and not in a fun way.

225
00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:23,920
Sorry, do you mind if I just do that?

226
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:27,040
That is lovely.

227
00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:34,440
Listen, be warned, because I do get what I want,
OK, which is why I'm a successful career bitch.

228
00:14:34,475 --> 00:14:38,320
What do you do? I've got an interview at
Evergreens, the department store, as it goes...

229
00:14:38,355 --> 00:14:40,697
Evergreens?

230
00:14:40,732 --> 00:14:43,005
Oh, Tilly, hi!

231
00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:45,125
Sorry, what happened to your TV job?

232
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:48,720
Yeah, well, you know, it wasn't
challenging enough, cos when your

233
00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:53,080
brain's as agile as your body,
you know,

234
00:14:53,115 --> 00:14:56,400
you need constant challenges.

235
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:01,120
The knob isn't yielding!

236
00:15:01,155 --> 00:15:02,760
I don't know what...

237
00:15:02,795 --> 00:15:04,480
BUZZER

238
00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:09,045
Queen Kong, you lama!

239
00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:11,720
Knob, and now I mean the button...

240
00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:16,645
BUZZER

241
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:18,520
And release, thank you!

242
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:27,120
What do you think? Interview chic.

243
00:15:27,155 --> 00:15:29,417
Get me a skinny frappucino.

244
00:15:29,452 --> 00:15:31,645
I've no idea what that is.

245
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:35,440
I like to think you might be
presented with a tiny Italian man.

246
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,920
Hi. Come in, sit down.

247
00:15:40,955 --> 00:15:42,405
Thank you.

248
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:45,640
I'm Darren, head of marketing,
this is Sophie and Neil from HR.

249
00:15:45,675 --> 00:15:47,765
Hello. Thanks for seeing me.

250
00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:52,160
It's a pleasure. So let's get straight to it,
what do you think you could bring to this job?

251
00:15:52,195 --> 00:15:54,805
Bring to it? Oh, erm...

252
00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:59,480
I think I could bring...some tea and
cakes to it, would it like that?

253
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:05,725
Well, it could certainly
motivate the team.

254
00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:09,160
The team you'd be heading young,
so they do need a lot of motivation.

255
00:16:09,195 --> 00:16:12,577
Is that something you
could bring to the table?

256
00:16:12,612 --> 00:16:15,646
Oh, I could splatter
this table with motivation.

257
00:16:15,681 --> 00:16:18,680
Yeah, yeah,
I'll motivate you now, if you want.

258
00:16:18,715 --> 00:16:20,937
Go on, then.

259
00:16:20,972 --> 00:16:23,160
Oh, OK, erm...

260
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:27,800
Get off your fat arses
and do something!

261
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:33,005
It's certainly blatant.

262
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:37,160
Now, a lot of our products are for
children, young families. Do you have kids?

263
00:16:37,195 --> 00:16:42,517
I don't, no, but I get inside kids'
heads all the time.

264
00:16:42,552 --> 00:16:47,805
Not in a freaky subliminal way,
that would be very odd.

265
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:52,240
No, but I just love children,
I believe children are our future.

266
00:16:52,275 --> 00:16:54,565
Don't sing, don't sing.

267
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:58,640

and let them lead the way

268
00:16:58,675 --> 00:17:02,680

They possess inside

269
00:17:02,715 --> 00:17:08,520

Give them a sense of pride

270
00:17:08,555 --> 00:17:13,600


271
00:17:13,635 --> 00:17:16,520


272
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:23,160


273
00:17:23,195 --> 00:17:28,200

The greatest love...

274
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:30,805


275
00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:34,120


276
00:17:34,155 --> 00:17:37,165


277
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:41,840


278
00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:57,560
Thank you very much.

279
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:03,800
That was very inspiring.

280
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:08,600
I didn't realise I
knew so many verses.

281
00:18:08,635 --> 00:18:11,480
I didn't realise there
were so many verses.

282
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,920
So, erm...is there anything
you'd like to ask us?

283
00:18:16,955 --> 00:18:20,365
Ooh, yes, yes.

284
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:24,600
When lightning strikes the sea,
why don't all the fish die?

285
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:29,965
Relevant to the job. Oh, no.

286
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:33,640
Well, thanks very much for
coming in, we'll be in touch.

287
00:18:33,675 --> 00:18:37,120
Thank you, Sir Alan, Margaret, Nick.

288
00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:48,605
So? How did it go?

289
00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:52,365
Yes, yeah, good...I think.

290
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:55,720
No, I think there were some positives
amongst...

291
00:18:55,755 --> 00:18:59,125
You sang, didn't you? Yeah.

292
00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:02,525
You've got to stop doing
that in formal situations.

293
00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:06,600
I know, I can't help it, I just
panic, and I'm not the only one.

294
00:19:06,635 --> 00:19:09,440
Look I'm
not sure her heart is in the navy.

295
00:19:09,475 --> 00:19:14,040


296
00:19:14,075 --> 00:19:16,925


297
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:20,760


298
00:19:20,795 --> 00:19:24,560


299
00:19:24,595 --> 00:19:25,720
DOOR SLAMS

300
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:29,405
I mean, of all things
to be hereditary!

301
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:34,000
Maybe you're not just up to the cut
and thrust of the business world.

302
00:19:34,035 --> 00:19:35,605
Thrust!

303
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:38,885
Oh, it's a funny word, that's all.

304
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:45,040
It doesn't mean I'm not capable of taking business
seriously and thrusting with the best of them.

305
00:19:45,075 --> 00:19:48,880
Oh, thrust is a funny word,
come on, thrust, thrust.

306
00:19:48,915 --> 00:19:51,560
Stevie, thrust, thrust,
it's funny, thrust.

307
00:19:51,595 --> 00:19:53,205
Oh, I've said it too much now.

308
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:56,800
Thrust, thrust,
it's gone weird, thrust.

309
00:19:56,835 --> 00:19:58,365
PHONE RINGS

310
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:02,205
Good morning.
No, no, I'm her associate.

311
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:06,680
Yeah, sure. It's Evergreens.
Oh, no, you take it, I can't!

312
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:09,360
Yeah.

313
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:13,840
Right, well, they liked your unique
and unorthodox technique

314
00:20:13,875 --> 00:20:16,857
and, once they understood what
you were saying,

315
00:20:16,892 --> 00:20:19,840
knew they wanted you,
can you start tomorrow?

316
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:24,360
I will be there at 10.00am sharp.

317
00:20:24,395 --> 00:20:26,640
Oh, no, they start at eight.

318
00:20:26,675 --> 00:20:28,880
I will be there at ten.

319
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:35,045
Yep, unique and unorthodox

320
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:38,840
who can thrust with the best of them!

321
00:20:38,875 --> 00:20:41,045
Go me, go me, go me!

322
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:44,165
How did this happen? A proper job!

323
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:48,560
Oh, at last I don't have to lie at
a school reunion. The last one...

324
00:20:48,595 --> 00:20:52,405
After finishing my PhD, I got
a job in the Foreign Office.

325
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:56,440
It's quite an adjustment from NGO
relief work in Cambodia, I can tell you.

326
00:20:56,475 --> 00:20:59,277
So what do you do?

327
00:20:59,312 --> 00:21:02,080
I'm... Myleene Klass.

328
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:09,160
Right, now I work in management,
I can manage the gym situ.

329
00:21:09,195 --> 00:21:10,837
There's nothing I can do.

330
00:21:10,872 --> 00:21:12,445
The contract's foolproof.

331
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:18,080
Fine! Except earlier you said you'd ask
people to leave for antisocial behaviour, OK?

332
00:21:18,115 --> 00:21:22,760
So if you don't cancel my
membership I'm going to...

333
00:21:22,795 --> 00:21:23,845
I will...

334
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,080
I will shit
all over your towels!

335
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:32,805
We'll just wash 'em. Fine, OK.

336
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:35,240
Well, I'll tell you what
I'm going to do, then.

337
00:21:35,275 --> 00:21:37,685
I'm going to...break
your swimming pool.

338
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:42,200
How? I'll tell you how, the
idea's just forming in my head.

339
00:21:42,235 --> 00:21:47,960
I will usher in a mass of dirty dogs.

340
00:21:47,995 --> 00:21:51,405
Dogs? Yes, dogs, and I will...

341
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:54,760
I have no idea where
I'm going with this.

342
00:21:56,400 --> 00:22:02,240
Yes, dogs, and I will throw them in the pool,
and I might even release a bigger animal.

343
00:22:02,275 --> 00:22:05,725
Get a sheep, you know a sheep
that is covered in poo balls!

344
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:12,120
You know, those poo balls that they have,
poo balls I tell you, poo balls, yeah?

345
00:22:12,155 --> 00:22:17,600
They are impacted sort of poo balls
at the end of their...poo balls!

346
00:22:17,635 --> 00:22:20,565
We'd have you arrested
before you got a sheep in here.

347
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:25,525
Fine! Well, you'd bar a lunatic for
defacing equipment, wouldn't you?

348
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:33,160
So I tell you what I'm going to do, I'm
going to wee all over the ball pool! Wee!

349
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:39,045
Hello, Darren.

350
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:42,160
Very much looking forward to
seeing you tomorrow morning.

351
00:22:42,195 --> 00:22:44,560
No, no, you won't. You're fired.

352
00:22:44,595 --> 00:22:46,880
Yes, Sir Alan, erm...

353
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:52,160
Even if I got there at 8.00am?
Please stop addressing me.

354
00:22:52,195 --> 00:22:54,805
Sure, OK, yes.

355
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:58,485
Now look what you've done, I've lost
my job, I can't afford membership,

356
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:03,845
so is your company happy for a customer to
wee in a ball pool in protest of its rules...

357
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:09,920
OK, OK, if you stop, I'll give you £5 off your
monthly fee and a free instructor for six weeks.

358
00:23:09,955 --> 00:23:13,005
That might work, I could
commit, then, actually.

359
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:17,240
And if you sign up to our
exclusive 36-month contract...

360
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:21,600
..we'll give you a free towel robe.

361
00:23:21,635 --> 00:23:23,125
Do I look stupid?

362
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:24,920
Look at it, it's gorgeous.

363
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:30,400
It's not just a towel, it is a robe.
It is royal drying.

364
00:23:30,435 --> 00:23:32,565
Listen, I'm sorry about the job.

365
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:35,960
No, it's fine. Stevie's right,
the career world, not for me.

366
00:23:35,995 --> 00:23:37,405
What about working here tonight?

367
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:39,845
We're really busy, and I've
got this RAF thing.

368
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:44,280
Oh, officer, permission to land your
aircraft between... Out loud. Shush, Miranda!

369
00:23:44,315 --> 00:23:49,240
Sure, I'll help out
if I can see you in uniform later.

370
00:23:49,275 --> 00:23:51,117
OK, sounds like a deal.

371
00:23:51,152 --> 00:23:52,960
I salute you, commander.

372
00:23:52,995 --> 00:23:55,285
Ooh! Oh, please.

373
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:57,125
Clive, if you are insinuating, that

374
00:23:57,160 --> 00:24:01,240
I am thinking about An Officer And A
Gentleman, you are sorely mistaken.

375
00:24:01,275 --> 00:24:07,360
I haven't had those kind of
dreams since I was 12...18. 27.

376
00:24:07,395 --> 00:24:09,400
33...last night.

377
00:24:09,435 --> 00:24:11,080
Just now!

378
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:17,485
You weed in a ball pool!

379
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:20,480
Ssh! I didn't wee in it,
I just threatened to.

380
00:24:20,515 --> 00:24:22,880
Carry on with your meals, please.

381
00:24:22,915 --> 00:24:24,565
And now you're a waitress!

382
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:28,520
Tilly can't see this. I told her
you got the job at Evergreens.

383
00:24:28,555 --> 00:24:31,920
Oh! Lord, this is a,
what I call, nightmare.

384
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,685
Hey!

385
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:37,920
Queen of the Congo! Ooh-rah!

386
00:24:37,955 --> 00:24:40,725
Kissingtons! Mwah!

387
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:42,285
Cheeky Pinot? My shouticles?

388
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:45,680
Oh, what, are you staying?
It's my promotion drinkus.

389
00:24:45,715 --> 00:24:49,040
Here? Yes, I've got a few peeps
coming from the orifice.

390
00:24:49,075 --> 00:24:51,725
Right.

391
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:55,165
Join! Join, join, join, join!

392
00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:57,960
Sit! Sit, sit, sit...
Sure, yes, yes.

393
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:01,920
So two wines, you said?

394
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:05,480
How's this going to work?

395
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:11,445
So complimentini on
the Evergreens job. Thank you.

396
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:16,640
Are you replacing that nutter who got fired before
they started? Blimey, news travels fast out there.

397
00:25:16,675 --> 00:25:20,400
Well, let's just say some eccentric,
to give the nutter her due.

398
00:25:20,435 --> 00:25:23,405
Or his due, whoever's due it was,
it wasn't my due.

399
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:27,680
I've said "due" too much now, it
sounds weird. Due... Due... Thrust!

400
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:34,085
Sorry, right,

401
00:25:34,120 --> 00:25:35,885
I'm just going to get the drinks.

402
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:38,580
I think you should relax,
it is waitress service.

403
00:25:38,615 --> 00:25:42,147
Yes, but I always think
it's nice to pitch in.

404
00:25:42,182 --> 00:25:45,171
Miranda, I'm swamped
here, get these orders out.

405
00:25:45,206 --> 00:25:48,160
Right. What are you...?!
This is all your fault.

406
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:53,440
Come! Come, come, come!

407
00:25:53,475 --> 00:25:54,960
Yes...

408
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,680
And, er...two white wines!

409
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:22,600
Sorry, how is this wine?

410
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:28,620
Oh, my giddy, Miranda,
are you a waitress? No!

411
00:26:28,655 --> 00:26:31,160
Excuse me, waitress, I
think that's our order.

412
00:26:31,195 --> 00:26:33,517
Right. She is talking to you.

413
00:26:33,552 --> 00:26:35,476
You weed in a ball pool?!

414
00:26:35,511 --> 00:26:37,400
Did you wee in a ball pool?

415
00:26:37,435 --> 00:26:39,365
That's disgusting!

416
00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:43,760
Miranda, you're on the verge of turning
my fiesta into a fiasco. OK, I'll explain.

417
00:26:43,795 --> 00:26:45,405
You're probably confused.

418
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:49,845
One minute I'm working in television, the
next I'm in Evergreens, and now I'm a waitress.

419
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:56,000
Well, OK, do you know, for once at a social occasione,
I'm going to proudly say what I do for a living.

420
00:26:56,035 --> 00:26:58,085
Good girlie! She's been undercover.

421
00:26:58,120 --> 00:27:01,960
No, no, Mum... She's a surveillance
commander in the forces.

422
00:27:01,995 --> 00:27:04,245
Yeah, the secret service, is it?

423
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:06,485
Sorry, why don't you
think I could do that?

424
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:08,840
People can be so quick to judge.
Can't they, Stevie?

425
00:27:08,875 --> 00:27:12,005
How many jobs have you
had or not had today?

426
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:15,800
And now you seriously expect me
to believe you're in the forces?

427
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:21,405
Good evening! Wow.

428
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,480
MUSIC:
"Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong"

429
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:37,080
MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY
Hi!

430
00:27:37,115 --> 00:27:39,445
Hi.

431
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:40,885
Commander. Cadet Preston.

432
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:45,240
The barracks are secure, ma'am, and we are
awaiting your further orders. Thank you.

433
00:27:45,275 --> 00:27:48,640
You can stand down for the night.
Thank you, ma'am.

434
00:27:48,675 --> 00:27:50,160
No way!

435
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:57,005
This has worked out
marvelisamussolini!

436
00:27:57,040 --> 00:28:00,160
Right, come on, then,
I know you've been dying to do this.

437
00:28:00,195 --> 00:28:03,960
MUSIC:
"Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong"

438
00:28:03,995 --> 00:28:06,400
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

439
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:22,160
Way to go, Miranda!

440
00:28:22,195 --> 00:28:23,760
Way to go!

441
00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:45,960
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

442
00:28:45,995 --> 00:28:48,040
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk